More articles in category: Humor

2.
The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

It was the second game of the day in this high school baseball tournament. The team for which I was broadcasting started its #2 pitcher, who also happened to be the best centerfielder I had seen all season. He was not very big, but well-muscled and very fast on his feet. More importantly, when a tough ball was hit anywhere in his area, his first step always took the ri…

3.
Batman verses Superman

Batman verses Superman? So, that is quite a scenario: pitting two orphans against each other both of whom have dedicated their lives to saving or aiding those in need. Hmmm. Also, get real, clearly, Superman would win. Yes, I disagree with the comics and the newest movie. Let’s keep our fictional faith consistent, people.

Now, the coolness factor…

4.
The Word UP

The amazing two letter word — up

PHENOMENAL 2 LETTER WORD — UP

THIS IS CLEVER!

I’m sure you will enjoy this. I never knew one word in English language that can be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep. UP

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is UP.’ It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], …

5.
Back in the Day (Really?)

I’m sitting in the dugout just before the start of the first game of our post season baseball tournament. As is typical of many teams – especially with 13 & 14 year-olds, pitching arms at the end of the season are wearing out. Some are injured, which further taxes those still in the pitching rotation. I’m deep in thought as to how to manage each pitcher’s innings for ea…

6.
The Hardest part about writing a book

Why is writing a book so hard? Why is it that it seems like it takes forever to finish your first book? Why does nobody around you understand what you are going through? I remember when I was putting together my first book, friends would call me all the time at night to come and hang out, but I almost always declined and told them I was working on the book. It became a pai…

7.
5 Embarrassing High School Traits Part 1

Skinny Fat

I went from being a chubby middle school kid to a towering 6’ 1” in less than five months. This growth spurt occurred at the end of eighth grade into my freshman year of high school.  The problem with this growth spurt is that it hid my potbelly developed from years of neglecting my body. I now could fool people in thinking I was in shape visually …

8.
His cup runneth over

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat one row from the field. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the guy. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use i…

9.
The How Not To Chapter

Once upon a time, I had a very good 13 – 14 year old baseball team. They were intelligent, reasonably athletic, and very coachable. The main ingredient they lacked that every good team possesses was confidence. Well, with my highly excitable, fire and brimstone approach, I just knew I could get that instilled into their finicky adolescent brains. (That’s why they give me tha…

10.
Laugh with (AT) Me!!

Reading time; 30 Seconds

Many of you will know that I recently was married to my beautiful Lady, the person who has made me believe in love and compassion once again. That I can trust someone,  and be trusted by someone once again after having some bad experiences over the past few years.

She is my rock and my best friend.. We had a fab...

11.
Limping to the Finish Line…

The end is in sight! 

The end of another school year and if you are like me you just might be limping to the finish line.

As I reflect on the beginning of the school year I had all my ‘ducks in a row’, the “Ts” were crossed and the “I’s” dotted, meal plans made and chore schedules negotiated. Yep! I was on top of it all; homework routines, household routines…

12.
An apple a day

The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few…

13.
STOP PETTING MY PEEVES!

The Urban Dictionary defines “pet peeve” as: “Something that is a bit annoying to most people but is very annoying or upsetting to a particular person.” What annoys you? 

We all have those little things which just BUG us. What really bothers one person may not even be noticed by another. For whatever reason, these things just really “get up my left nostril”! Spend a m…

14.
Pardon My French

My fascination with all things French began at an early age, upon learning the origin of my ancestors. I named my new puppy, a French poodle, Pierre François Dubois. I picked out swirly French Provincial style drawer pulls for the dresser my dad refinished for me when I claimed the bedroom my older brothers vacated. Pierre chewed the corners of every drawer he could dig h…

15.
It’s Uranus People!

I am not an Astronomer nor an Astrologer but I do follow all the major Cosmic events. It is fascinating to me the affect these events have on people, the planet, our evolution, our markets  and so much more.

In researching a recent ‘Cosmic Event’ involving the planet Uranus I was doing some reading and watching some You-tube videos of specialists in this fiel…

16.
5 Embarrassing Middle School Facts About Me

Today I will continue with the theme from a previous blog, 11 Embarrassing Behavior Traits about Me Age 6 – 11.  I decided to go back in time and share some more traits I held as a kid.

CHUBBY

What happens ...

17.
Just Shoot Me

My cheeks burn and the blister on my heel oozes, as I peel the backing off a Band-Aid. Paparazzi and stilettos. It’s not as easy as it looks. I wonder if this is how the Kardashians got started.

My good friend, Stacey, talented writer and photographer, agreed to take some head shots to use for my “social media presence,” you know, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YikYak….

18.
Southern Discomfort

The tall, lean Texan sauntered in, sporting a pastel blue western suit, just as we finished our main course. An attractive blonde on his arm, he led an adoring entourage. The maître d’ seated the party at a table in the center of the restaurant.  

Giddy with excitement, I grabbed my husband’s sleeve.

“Look,” I whispered, motioning behind him with my…

19.
The Joy of a Good List By Countess Drusilla Steele

Don’t you just love a good list? There’s something deeply satisfying about seeing all those words lined up in such an organised manner, isn’t there?

No?

Just the Countess then? Okay. Fine. Be like that.

So here it is my devoted readers, for those of you that are interested. The 5 reasons why lists are my favorite things to write.

1  They’re just s...

20.
11 Embarrassing Behavior Traits About Me Age 6 -11

You know that old saying, you don’t know where you are going unless you know where you been? In order for you to be comfortable with me, I want to share some of my past. The next couple of posts will reveal some information from my past.

First up, let’s talk my elementary school years. Age 6-11. Here’s some cool and embarrassing facts about me…

21.
RECYCLING – FINAL CHAPTER: Out on the Townie

At the end of last week’s installment, our heroine finally took a spin on her shiny new toy, then settled her into her forever home.

I practiced my renewed favorite sport around the neighborhood for a few days until I felt confident to take Tallulah out for a spin on the paved trail near our home. When the day came, I wrestled the rack onto the t…

22.
This article was posted in error.

Apologies to all my fans and followers. This article was posted in error. Don’t know how it slipped past the seven-day posting limitation. I hope you’ll check back in a few days when the full article – with typos and misspellings corrected – is up and available for your reading pleasure.  

And because an article requires at least 100 words, I repeat…

Apo...

23.
RECYCLING – PART THREE: The Test Ride

We left our poor heroine at a crossroads, so to speak, at her local REI. To test ride or not to test ride. That was the question.

Struggling to suppress the panic rising in my chest, I forced a weak smile. “Can’t I just ride it up and down this aisle?” I waved my fingers back and forth in front of me.

Punky shook her little pigtails. “No, sorry. Insurance wo…

24.
Once Upon A Time At The Senior Home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens’ Centre.

After the community sing-along led by Alice who sat at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Alice stood up, turned around and introduced “Claude the Hypnotist!”

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

“Yes, each and every one of you and all at the…

25.
Getting Tangled in the Red Tape of Bureaucracy

 

Last month I posted briefly that we had been visited by the compliance officer of the county where we are building our earthship. This was both stressful and upsetting to say the least. We went to the county and renewed our building permit. My hubby asked if the plan had expired as the compliance officer had intimated, no they don’t expire. Hmm. That saga con…

26.
Are you a lexophile?

Image from nwcreation.net 

 

Are you a lexophile?, i.e., a lover of words, one who derives pleasure from various use of words, who appreciates the nuances surrounding different words, and who is alert to synonyms, antonyms, homophones, and homonyms, often using them for effect, sometimes in humor.

For example…

27.
RECYCLING – PART TWO: All About Townie

When last we saw our hesitant heroine, she was eyeing her two-wheeled fantasy for the first time.

 “See, Mom? It’s called a Townie. Like the one you had when you were a kid.”

The upright handlebars and low curved center bar reminded me of my childhood bike.

Kristen leaned in. “This one does have gears and hand brakes.”

I stopped her. “Gears? …

28.
Feel triggered?

We spend a lot of time growing up figuring out “who” we are, and everyone respects that as we shelter children from the drama of adulthood. Except once we figure out who we are, watch out.

How many sentences can a person get out in front of a group without offending anyone? Seriously? We just got through crucifying people for saying happy holidays instead of…

29.
RECYCLING – PART ONE: Under Pressure

My daughter had no idea what she was asking. Take her bike out for a ride? My heart raced faster than Lance Armstrong at the finish line. I hadn’t been on a bike in decades. With all the gears and hand brakes, Kristen’s hybrid looked far more advanced than my ’60s era girls’ Schwinn. I could never master simultaneously pedaling while shifting. Multi-tasking i…

30.
When you can’t think of anything to write about

What to write about, when you can’t think of anything to write?

 

Well, it’s happened, I am experiencing writers block! This is something that rarely occurs, everyone that knows me, knows I have the gift of gab. Alas, it’s true, I am at a loss for words. I could probably think about something to write about, like how lucky and blessed I am. Or maybe I coul…

31.
Head Trip

I loved Tammy, but it was time to move on.

“She’s working at Tribez now,” Joanne said of our mutual hairdresser, at our memoir meeting. “In Blackhawk.”

“Blackhawk?” I whined. “Way out there?”

My friend rolled her eyes. “It’s not that far. And besides, you only see her once a month.”

Tammy and I shared a long history. Over the years, she guided m...

32.
How would you diagnose a patient…

At the start of the semester at a university, a professor who was giving an oral test to gauge what her new medical students knew about mental health and psychology. She looked around the large theater style room and pomdered for a moment. To the class she then posed the a question, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his l…

33.
Pain from Love

Public Announcements are to warn people to guard against pain from impending danger/risk, right? Like, back in the day, when that ear-splitting beep would sound on public TV stations? Why not a Public Announcement for the risks of the pain one can suffer from love? It seems irresponsible not to have one, and, what is worse is that NO ONE ELSE is outraged by this social negl…

34.
Spring is a Fraud

I dread Spring up here at the base of the mountain where we live. The winds are cold, bitter and unrelenting. On the bright side, we haven’t been blown away by the 60+ mile an hour gusts yet!

The weather up here is harsh. We are only about 500 feet higher in elevation than the valley floor below us, but we have no trees (or water to grow them) to break the winds …

35.
Sex Credit Report

What if you could pull up your potential mate’s sex credit report? Imagine that! Would you deny their application or approve them based on their ratings and choices of partners. Let’s compare this report to the standard one. First, we have to give it a name. Hmmm…instead of Equifax, let’s call it Equifux. Yeah, sounds appropriate, don’t you think?

So let’s look …

36.
A Red Teddy and a Pound Cake – Must Be The $ $tore

At ten years old, my grandson is a seasoned bargain hunter. But Jackson didn’t get it from me. Even back in the day, living on a tight budget, I never got into the whole coupon cutting competition that my contemporaries enjoyed. When dollar stores starting cropping up in strip malls in my area, I had no interest. Sounded like another scam whipped up to get me to spen…

37.
This is just a test

I have nothing to say, just that this is a test and trying to learn more and more about GoRead. Plus this one woman is starting to get under my skin but that is a whole nother story. I am really going to miss Andrea when she leaves. Blah 

I have nothing to say, just that this is a test and trying to learn more and more about GoRead. Plus this one woman is starting…

38.
Things my Parents would say!

As I go through life, I often think of my family’s quirks, expressions, sentiments & some very funny memories. I thought I’d share some of them because I still chuckle about most of them & feel very connected to all of them.

A few memorable expressions can’t be shared because some might find the language a little impolite. If this was a totally open for…

39.
Distinguishing between accept and except

Accept is not except, except that these two very different words often have their respective spellings interchanged.  I cannot accept that, except from people new to the language. Catch the difference?

Try this memory trick: accept starts with the letter A and so does apple. Would you accept an apple from someone? Accept is to receive willingly….

40.
Focused? Forgetful? – Nope, Just a Skatterbrain.

On Sunday I woke up with the intention of getting a huge list of things done throughout the day.

I had specifically set aside the day to complete the many tasks I kept pushing back.

Well you tell me if I succeeded.

Here goes.

Got up. Went downstairs to make my son some breakfast.

As I was walking down the stairs I notice a loose piece ...

41.
Why Are You Barking at the TV?

Why Are You Barking at the TV?

 

I am not sure if you experience the same thing that I am about to tell you. I am the proud owner of a ten year old dog, Koby. He is a lovable and sweet half schitzou half lapso-apso dog. He loves to play with his toy monkeys and brown pillow. He enjoys belly rubs, and cuddling. One thing I was never able to u…

42.
The Rooster

There was a cock that was smaller than most,

Yet all day long he would brag and he’d boast

“I am the biggest cock the world has seen!

Step up! I dare you to challenge me!”

The other cocks laughed, because they knew the fact,

And decided to show their brother some tact.

They let him believe he was larger than them,

And they di...

43.
Many years ago in Denmark…

Many years ago in Denmark a young woman had twins. Unfortunately she was unable to properly take care of them so she gave them up for adoption. One of the twins went to live with a family in Egypt and was named Amal. The other went off to a family in Spain and they named him Juan.

Several years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the pictu…

44.
Pranked in Produce

The recipe sounded easy enough. Eight ounces of goat cheese, one-third cup cream, chopped chives and a small handful of fresh herbs. Our good friends, Bob and Laurell, were visiting from Colorado in a couple of days and I wanted to impress them with a special appetizer.

But wait? What was that last ingredient? Fresh herbs? That’s it? How …

45.
More Than A Feeling Part 1

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame, darlin’, you give love a bad name.” Bon Jovi

It’s February! Tis the month of love that goes “Round and Round” (Ratt), seeks to be a “Thriller” (Michael Jackson), and at times, a “Hard Habit To Break” (Chicago). It is “The Power Of Love” (Huey Lewis) that screams, “I Can’t Drive 55” (Sammy Hagar).

But “What Does Lov…

46.
A man went to a pet shop

A man went to a pet shop and told the clerk that he would like to buy a parrot. The clerk took him to the birdcage and asked which he would like. “How much is the yellow parrot?” asked the customer.

“That one costs $2,500,” said the clerk, and then, seeing the look of shock on the customer’s face, continued, “but he’s a very special bird. He can type one hundred t...

47.
How not to write and Publish an Article

I sat down in my office chair three hours ago, with a topic in mind. Why am I only now beginning to write?

1.    Before I write, I need to research – many years of academic training means that I have to find out what has already been written on this topic.

Google gives pages and pages of suggestions. I open several in new tabs, and start reading. I usuall...

48.
Too Cool for School

Sue proved a skillful forger. The note I dictated to my good friend and co-conspirator passed the scrutiny of the school secretary. I fixed my eyes on the floor as I handed it to the stiff woman behind the counter, and mumbled something about a sore throat I had suffered the day before. Peering at me over the top of her half-specs, she lifted an eyebrow then shifted her …

49.
Ten Jokes For The Road

When I was a teacher, there were two ways to end the class:

  • Teach until the bell rang, and have the kids scramble to get to their next class in 3 minutes; or
  • Stop a minute early and let them get ready to leave.

I was known to do both, depending on what I was teaching. But, on the days when we had a minute to spare, my students were charge…

50.
Nothing Like a Good Pen

I had a completely different idea for this last article of the month that I wanted to share with you. It was in regards to today’s “Bell Let’s Talk” campaign for mental health awareness. It is an essential subject to converse about and perhaps I will take it to next week. I do my best to practice what I preach, and today, a little comedic relief is needed and this one f…

51.
Confessions of A Germaphobe

It’s that time of year again – when strangers indiscriminately share their most intimate bodily organisms. That’s right. I’m talking about flu season. Germs are everywhere. Name a surface, the pesky little microbes have taken up residence.

Luckily, in a health class at work a few years back, I learned the simple, foolproof steps to avoid contamination.

1)…

52.
Kids

Kids

My 8 year old grandson lives with me and has since he was 2 years old which was when his daddy died. Tramadol. I hear it takes the lives of people often so be wary of it. My daughter did a sort of shut down when he died and I was going through a raging divorce that never seemed to want to end. It’s what happens when one person doesn’t respond to or …

53.
Word Process

Word processing was invented for me. From completion of the first Wang class I attended while employed as a clerical supervisor in the early ’80s, I was hooked. In the prehistoric days before mice, color monitors or WYSIWYG, Wang word processing was state-of-the-art.

Despite its shortcomings, I fell in love. For secretaries, this new tool was a gift from the gods. …

54.
A Crazy Day on the (teaching) job…

[This is an unedited excerpt from my book in progress, A Crazy Day on the Job As a…, in which many people’s accounts on their craziest days in their occupations are detailed]

Los Angeles Unified School District. Or LAUSD as it’s commonly called.

The acronym conjures up a behemoth of so many things:  Bureaucratic misspending, lagging academic performa…

55.
Gizmo Girl

 Gizmo Girl

By   Margaret-Maggie Honnold

I have been thinking about all the utensils, pans, appliances, ovens, and the work that it takes to provide a family with Thanksgiving dinner. Many of us look for ways to simplify the process, besides eating out. For my Dad it was kitchen gizmos.

He especially loved any gadget that would help him work in the …

56.
Post Turtle?

An old farmer was getting his hand stitched up after an accident at his cattle farm.

He and the doctor start into conversation, which leads into politics.

The old farmer explained, “Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Turtles’.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked what a ‘post turtle’ was. The old farmer explained as best ...

57.
When His Grades Suddenly Drop

Midterm Exams are coming up this month for many high schools. This time of year always reminds me of a high honor student I had (I’ll call him Antony) whose grades suddenly plummeted before the holidays. His mother, Barbara, tried to help him regain his footing, but with exams looming, he was still barely passing four classes.

A big change like that sets off war...

58.
Wait for it

One morning this guy opens his front door to get the newspaper. As he bends down to pick it up, he sees a small snail just sitting there. Not being a morning person, he picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

A year goes by and there’s a knock on his door. He opens it. Nobodys there. He closes the door and walks away and hears another knock. He opens it an…

59.
Wait for it…

One morning a guy opens his front door to get the newspaper. As he bends down to pick it up, he sees a small snail just sitting there. Not being a morning person, he picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

A year goes by and there’s a knock on his door. He opens it. Nobodys there. He closes the door and walks away and hears another knock. He opens it…

60.
Workplace Thoughts…(Warning! Expletive language)

Welcome to Donn Lenell’s Random Articles. These articles are of random topics that may or may not mean shit to you. Each article and topic is written solely based off of Donn Lennell’s (that’s me) opinion. There may be some articles with your traditional researched information referenced, but the rest…well, that’s all me.

Today’s random topic is Workplace Thoughts….

61.
The Top 10 Cheapest Christmas Presents of All Time

 

Growing up I watched my dad rush down to the stores on Christmas Eve to purchase his last minute gifts. It was literally already Christmas Eve. We didn’t have a mall, or Walmart, and there was no such thing as the Internet to order anything and everything you could want.

No, we had to go at least 12 miles to any kind of store except the groce…

62.
Theeey’re heeeere!

It’s coming. “They” are coming. It’s just around the corner. In four weeks from now your family will be coming for the Holidays.

So why not do something crazy and time-stamp your dis-function with a family photo?

 

All jokes aside, when’s the last time you had a family photo taken? Was there a now “ex-partner” in the shot? Was there a child or t...

63.
Boy, Am I Stuffed!

“Are you stuffed yet?” someone groans after the Thanksgiving meal. Men across this nation have pushed back from the family table stuffed and tired, only to return moments later for more. This is our great American tradition!

From our tables we wobble to our man cave or living rooms to now feast on football making this the perfect man’s day! We have been given permiss…

64.
Santa’s Little Snitch

He knows when you’ve been sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. That’s more than a little disturbing. How does he know? Satellites? Spyware? Wire tapping? Rats with cameras? The fat boy in red is too lazy to gather intel* himself and has a new weapon to fight the war on naughtiness: its name is Elf on the Shelf.**

The official propaganda is that at the s...

65.
The Ten Commandments of …Comedy

“Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says: ‘Do you know how to drive this?’”

Surprise is so essential to comedy that if there isn’t a twist or surprise, it isn’t funny. Timing is important. You want to give the audience time to start thinking of a punch line. Drop it too soon, and they won’t be there. Drop it too late, and they’ll be gone. Pu…

66.
My Divorce

My Divorce

Image from http://pixabay.com

Let me be perfectly clear. My former wife did not have a boyfriend when she divorced me. She did not want to be with another man. She wanted to be single. That was not compatible with being married …

67.
Worth Its Weight In Gold

I wanted to share a funny story for once, but this topic falls into the “less desired” category. I think it is a doozy that only a mother to boys would fully understand or for that matter give a crap about (later pun intended).

To give a little backstory, In my past life, you know before the eternal bliss of parenthood was bestowed upon me, I was an International…

68.
Fifty Shades of RED

I saw RED when I read E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey 6 years ago and she had the audacity to forever change the way I see RED. Just in case you live in total darkness: Beautiful college grad virgin meets sexy, wealthy, enigmatic businessman/sadomasochist. Neither can resist the other. Lots of sex, punishment and dominance follow in the “RED Room of Pain”, Christian Grey’s pl...

69.
What a Pig

A travelling salesman drove past a farm one day and noticed a pig with one wooden leg. He didn’t think much of it until a week later, driving by the same farm, the pig had two wooden legs. The third week, the pig had three wooden legs, and finally, after seeing the pig the fourth week with four wooden legs, he had to stop to inquire …

70.
Back to School

TWO degrees under my belt, whats one more? Yes, I have decided to go back to school and jump head first into a new career! 

All the inevitable benefits for myself and my family looked incredible on paper, But let me just tell you, school isn’t the same as it was years ago. OR is it I that has succumbed to change, and evolved into an ‘mature’ adult and college i…

71.
A teaser from my book Fighting Poles

The convoy approached the town cautiously but saw that the people had hung bed sheets out their windows as white flags. The troop pulled into the town center and the lieutenant told Sergeant Wilson to send some men to find the Mayor and bring him to the Captain.

Sergeant Wilson turned to Wally and said, “Take a couple of men and find the Mayor and bring him t…

72.
A Beautiful Story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men on the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” one replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll f...

73.
Saltwater surprise

Saltwater Surprise

By

Paul Mazan

 

Having been raised in the Midwest far from the nearest ocean I’ve always been fascinated with saltwater fishing. I haven’t had many opportunities to experience it but every one of the few I have had has been fun and entertaining. The incredible verity of species and the ability of so many of them to put up a te...

74.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. 

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 

‘You talk?’ he asks. 

‘Yep,’ the La…

75.
3 Tips for Writing Funny

Funny books. Kids love ’em. My kids have been avid fans of Captain Underpants and Diary of a Wimpy Kid for years, and they’re not alone. Dav Pilkey’s hit sensation has sold more than 70 million copies, and the latest addition to the series has been o…

76.
How My Dogs Taught Me to Retrieve

The age old question of which breed of dog is the best is simply answered “The one you have”. I’m sure my favorites and yours are different. However, having owned or been around most of them from “Curb Setters to a couple exotic and rare Dandie Dinmont Terriers I’ve found it is what is common to them rather than what separates them that makes them “mans best friend”, …

77.
My Characters Represent the Warrior I Want to Be

The main point of my characters of the DIVINE COVENANT book series is that they know how to kill. Plain and simple. They’re not exactly murderers, though, but they certainly can break a hand, or foot, swing a blade — and yes, fire arrows!

They’re Living Weapons. Deadly Living W…

78.
Stupid Criminal Tricks Part Two

Stupid Criminal Tricks Part Two

 

Two Welsh tourists landed themselves in court in 2012 after they got drunk and stole a penguin called Dirk from Sea World in Australia. Rhys Owen Jones, 21, and Keri Mules, 20, from south Wales, broke into the park on Queensland’s Gold Coast, swam with the dolphins and let off a fire extinguisher in the shark enclosure, before…

79.
Change – Part 1

Change is inevitable for everyone! I’d like to bring to you a series of articles on change. 

It seems as though this past year change has been very evident in my life. Winter always brings a variety of change as we prepare for the holidays the hustle and bustle of the busy season can take away from the true meaning of the holidays. As a parent and now a grandpar…

80.
A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse

A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command…

81.
Stupid Criminal Tricks Part One

Stupid Criminal Tricks Part One

 

A suspected car thief in Pretoria, South Africa, was foiled when the auto-lock system of the car he allegedly broke into trapped him inside. According to The Star newspaper the man was stuck for an hour and a half shouting for help, while amused passers-by pointed and laughed. The newspaper reports that when the owner …

82.
Stupid Criminal Tricks Part One

Stupid Criminal Tricks Part One

 

A suspected car thief in Pretoria, South Africa, was foiled when the auto-lock system of the car he allegedly broke into trapped him inside. According to The Star newspaper the man was stuck for an hour and a half shouting for help, while amused passers-by pointed and laughed. The newspaper reports that when the owner …

83.
The world’s leading expert on European wasps

The worlds leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

 ”That would be wonderful,” says the expert, and puts on a pair of head…

84.
That Darn Old Lady!

“So, I went to Walmart to get some stuff for tonight’s dinner. I noticed this lady was staring at me on the same aisle I was on. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes again…STARING! So now I’m weirded out, but finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course this same lady was ahead of me…starts staring again. Awkward. So I start playing…

85.
Did you know?

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was the leader of the Indian independence movement against British rule. Employing nonviolent civil disobedience, Gandhi led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world.

Born and raised in a Hindu merchant caste family in coastal Gujarat, western India, and trained in law at the Inner Temple, …

86.
Gone too soon.

How could you when you knew how much it meant to me?

The betrayal! The hurt!

I thought you loved me.

Then there you stand with that look of innocence, yet we both know the guilt you feel. At least I hope you feel as much guilt as I do emptiness.

I am at a loss for words.

We spoke in lengths about it. 

You promised. YOU PROMISED…

87.
A real laugh riot

I have posted a few jokes lately that seem to have struck a chord, In the interest of keeping the ball rolling here are a few more…

……………………………….

This morning on the way to work I wasn’t really paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights.The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy…

88.
Swinging in the Rain

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door…

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is three o’clock in the morning.” He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wi…

89.
Those buzzed bovines!

So what makes a good story great?  For me it’s always been a tale told in such a way that: 1) I can picture it in my mind; 2) it makes me laugh; and, 3) for me, at least, it’s unforgettable.

By virtue of three disparate careers – 30 years in print journalism and as writer and editor, 15 years as a higher education administrator with a strong emphasis in writing, a...

90.
Schools Out …EEEK!

Yes, school is out for the summer! The long dreamy days of summer; where there is no real routine, beautiful weather, adventure, bbqs, road trips and get togethers.

I’ll be honest… A PIECE OF ME DIED THIS MORNING!!!

You see I am the single parent of two teenagers. I obviously love my kids BUT holy mother of god is this summer going to be a challeng…

91.
a funny thing happened to me

 I enjoy occasionally spontaneously exploring, so i wanted to share a funny experience that occurred last week. i parked downtown now that the time of year is such where people are out and about. My first mistake was to walk indoors, as Montreal has a lot of these underground shopping centres, this particular one being gallery ville marie. its actually quite a marvel on…

92.
Theres a Chili in the Air

A Man Get’s Selected To Be A Judge At A Chili Cook-Off. This Is Hilarious. If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico…

“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in…

93.
PERRY MASON WAS NOT ON THIS CASE

PERRY MASON WAS NOT ON THIS CASE

FROM TRANSCRIPTS OF ACTUAL COURT CASES

Q: What is your brother-in-law’s name?

A: Borofkin.

Q: What’s his first name?

A: I can’t remember.

Q: He’s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can’t remember his first name?

A: No. I tell you I’m too excited. (Rising from the witness chair a...

94.
THEY NEED ATTICUS FINCH

THEY NEED ATTICUS FINCH

FROM TRANSCRIPTS OF ACTUAL COURT CASES Part One

Q: What is your brother-in-law’s name?

A: Borofkin.

Q: What’s his first name?

A: I can’t remember.

Q: He’s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can’t remember his first name?

A: No. I tell you I’m too excited. (Rising from the witness chair...

95.
50! What The Hell Is That Supposed To Mean???

Turning 50, what the hell is that supposed to mean???

Quill Cloud

Today I turned 50 years old. This past week has been filled with blessings, kind words, and good wishes. It has also come with variations of that perennial question: “How does it f…

96.
And Then The Murders Began

At the beginning of March, author Marc Laidlaw put out a tweet that read “The first line of almost any story can be improved by making sure the second line is -And then the murders began-”

This is a very intriguing idea, and I challenge everyone to open up the nearest book and give it a try.

“Even before the events in the supermarket, Jim Ironheart should have…

97.
Childhood in the 70’s

In 1978, I was 9-years old and we got 3 channels on our 19-inch color television set. If the weather conditions were just right, and you didn’t mind a little bit of static, we could manage to pull 4 from time to time. When we experienced high winds, sometimes the aerial that was mounted atop a tower which was bolted to the side of our house, would go out of sync with the rot…

98.
Go Full Foolocity

“Stay hungry, stay foolish.” – The Whole Earth Catalog

I must give you a warning: Do not try this at home (or out in the street or wherever you may run into strangers). I’m going to tell you a story that will probably make you think, This guy is nuts! And I agree. I am a little crazy, and I wouldn’t necessaril…

99.
Revenge on United Airlines

Hating airlines isn’t a new thing, but it’s definitely popular right now. But first a funny story.

My wife bought a new water feature for the back patio. It was cool looking, I liked it, but it was missing something. The pipes, the water… Ahh, now I get it. It’s missing Mario. Yes, I went out and spent $3.00 on a Mario figurine for a gag picture. How much would …

100.
His Fuzzy Therapist

(News Item: a firm in Japan has developed a therapeutic robot in the form of a harp seal pup to work with older patients. According to company literature, “Paro is covered with soft artificial fur to make people feel comfortable, as if they are touching a real animal…Paro has five kinds of sensors: tactile, light, audition, temperature, and posture sensors, with …

101.
I Place Myself under House Arrest

I lived in Washington, D.C., from 1980-1985, and served a portion of my sentence working as a news writer for a television station. Our nation’s capital takes itself very, very seriously. A popular TV commercial for a local financial institution ended with the narrator intoning, “The most important bank…in the most important city…in the world.” But there were tim...

102.
A Blast From the Past

This story was told to me by my father in the very late stages of his life, and to be honest, he was laughing so hard as he told it, it took all my interpretive skills to figure it out.

As my dad relayed, as a young boy, he and his three brothers all worked for The Farmer Store Company in west central Wisconsin. The company operated enlarged general stores that so...

103.
Alpacas are not llamas

Alpacas are not Llamas. Llamas are bigger and more aggressive.

    This little cute thing I’m holding is a one day old alpaca. it felt like a twenty pound cotton ball with a heartbeat. So you might wonder how did I get to hold a baby alpaca? Maybe you are wondering why is it pink? All good questions.

     I lived in Greene County PA. for se…

104.
Birthdays

This week I was talking with my daughter and since her two daughters and myself all have birthdays within a few weeks of each other we got around to discussing memorable birthdays.

We as parents go through this long list of what our little keiki want and of course we try to give them a memorable birthday in those younger years to show our love and devotion to all …

105.
“Mom, what’s this word mean?”

While driving in the car, my nine year old, reading a book for “Tweens”, called from the back seat, “Mom, what’s a broad?”

“It’s another name for woman,” I started, “But it’s not an accepted term, some see it as derogative…” now I was stumbling, “Ah…some people don’t like that term, they think it’s a name that makes women feel…insignificant, waved aside.” O…

106.
Smile and Be Happy, Live Life To The Fullest

We all need a good laugh every now and then. Laughter and humor in one’s life is enriching and helps an individual to be more of a well-rounded person. Imagine life without humor. It will be a dull place to live. Imagine, no laugher, no fun or games to be played on someone. What would life be like? It will be more like a dull zombie like environment. Everyone would be too s...

107.
All I needed to know, I learn while pole dancing.

Yes, that’s right, I’m taking pole dancing. It was a spontaneous decision when a friend of mine said it was on her bucket list and I blurted out, “I know someone who teaches that right down the street”; we were signed up and in a class within a week.

We went to shake our booties and to laugh our faces off, but I ended up learning more than just “peek-a-b…

108.
Hot Flashes…

OMG…here we go again! If you don’t laugh you’d lose your mind…kinda!

I had another article ready to go when ‘she…hot flash…man-on-pause’ raised her ugly head and the laughter ensues. Here’s the thing…you’d better be able to laugh…a lot! The best part is when others double over laughing with you. You can’t make this stuff up…se…

109.
Kindergarten and Rose Bushes

Do you remember Kindergarten? That time in life when school was so much fun and you couldn’t wait to go because your friends were there, your teacher was the coolest teacher on the planet, and the playground was huge and had the metal slide that would burn your legs in the spring and summer. After recess you got to have lunch, then take a nap on a cot, and if you fell asle…

110.
Why do I do everything “Last Minute”?

I have a script due this Wednesday. It is Tuesday at four in the afternoon. I have opened Word in my script format. I have been looking at it for over an hour. Well, that’s a lie. I have been looking at Facebook on the other monitor while I had Word open. I have written nothing, not one word. I have the client’s annual report open and on my desk as are two of th…

111.
LIFE ITS OWNSELF

I’m a driverholic. There, I said it. I’m addicted to the latest and greatest drivers that come on the market each year. All it takes for me to trash last year’s model and buy something new is the advertising promise that “this new model will add twenty yards to your tee shots.”

Just last year I traded my Calloway Big Bertha for a Ping G30 because I used my friend…

112.
How to Establish A Calmer Household

Living a household with 6 other people, one of those being a preteen and two of those being twin two year olds, there are a few things I’ve learned that have been monumentally helpful in establishing a calm environment for our busy family. 

1) Dictatorship. Establish it early. Generally authority is served on a first come first serve basis, so though you may not…

114.
Relationship Starbucks

Relationship Starbucks

Being as today is Valentine’s Day, I thought this would be a good one. We are all looking for love from that someone special, and I hope that you all do find that person. When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut who drove an ice-cream truck in outer space. This is the feeling I have now with the woman I have in my life she is my ice c…

115.
Vengeance is Best Served Warm

Warm weather and sunny skies makes the heart leap as the outside beckons you to come join in nature’s song of fun and play. Whether you are 90 years old in a nursing home or, in this case eight years old and out of school on summer break, the perfect weather of a North-West Summer is irresistible. Everything in you wants to be outside! To the eight year old, it is filled wit…

116.
Happy Groundhog Day

Yes, we find weird things to distract us. This particular distraction has been going on since 1887 in the United States. 

My good friend google tells me that:

Groundhog Day is a popular observance in many parts of the United States. Although some states have in some cases adopted their own groundhogs, the official groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, live…

117.
How about a new trend? Meals without cell phones

Is it possible that we have to create a new trend of meals without cell phones? Is this the norm and we now have to create or enforce social interactions with our family and friends? I saw this picture on the internet and loved the message that it brought, short and sweet ‘the art of conversation’. We need our youth to grow up with socialization so that they may get along w...

118.
Death and Other Comedies

My father was a kind and gentle man who did not deserve the last two years of his stay on Earth. Lymphoma robbed of his dignity, his mind and, on a frigid March evening, his life.

He had stopped going to synagogue many years previously, but not knowing where else to turn, we called his old congregation and asked if the current rabbi could officiate at …

119.
The Impermanence of the Internet

For years now, I have been told, “Beware of what you put on the Internet. It never goes away.”

Really?

I can’t find the last two articles I wrote and shared with FaceBook and Linkedin. I can’t find the video I shared about how our IQ’s have increased over time. I can’t find any of the emails I wrote to my clients in the last five years.

I…

120.
AS MY FATHER USED TO SAY

Every day I wake up and I think ‘this is going to be a great day’! I try to make it the first thing I tell myself in the morning and also to resinate all the things I am grateful for. I believe that we should all be grateful for our freedom, safety and good people and hopefully some family and close friends that surround us every day. 

I often think about my dad…

121.
Searching For Leo Buscaglia’s Letters

Dear Friends,

If you were a series of letters, with a clever mind of your own

You might consider hiding from a friend, who tended to be mishap prone.

“It was just a week ago,” Lynn moaned, ”I held Leo’s letters in my hand.”

But she put them down absent-mindedly, and they sailed off to a distant land.

**************************************…

122.
Where has my OFF switch gone?

“Where has my OFF switch gone? ” has become a regular question I ask myself DAILY!

Being a creative person I get it, but DANG…there has to be at least a PAUSE button.

For those of you who understand, I feel for you. Those late nights/early mornings when you haven’t been to bed yet, but the daily routines must go on.

For those who have no clue of...

123.
Life Its Ownself

Life Its Ownself

BY REPETEABLE ON DECEMBER 26, 2016

IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES

I have a new woman ...

124.
Ode to the Tick – A Nonpartisan Political Satire

A Lonely Tick

A single egg-laden tick struggles in the morning dew covered grass. She is cold, alone, and hungry, when suddenly she discovers a steaming pile of freshly dropped bear scat. Struggling to get closer she senses its warmth and recognizes it contains needed nutrients. Crawling on top of the heap, she rests in the warmth, feeds her soul, and lays her eggs...

126.
10 Mistakes to Avoid in English

Having trouble with English? Of course you are. English is one convoluted confusing language, unlike the blissfully simplistic realm of Science. As a Wordsmith, and not as a Science cruncher, let me share 10 Mistakes To Avoid In English.

  1. Flammable, Inflammable, and Unflammable mean the same thing: Burnable. (Okay, Unflammable is not a real word, but if it…