What Most Toxic People Have in Common

Archie Lee
Archie Lee is a diverse author who strives for personal excellence through a commitment to volunteerism in his community, helping it to achieve its full ethnic, health, political and social potential. Archie Lee graduated from the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff in 2005 with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and a commission in the U.S. Army. An active member of the Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity since 2006, he also earned a Masters Degree in Management in 2009. Archie Lee is a strong advocate in social psychology. As a relationship expert and youth counselor, he loves social interaction and identifying character traits with people in general, primarily studying human social interaction.
Relationships

Jun 15,2017

Do you know a toxic person? We all do, and at some point, in your life you’ve come across a person who fits the description. Dealing with this type of an individual can be difficult and draining, to say the least. In fact, it may challenge what you know about yourself and push you to the limits. Here are some traits to familiarize yourself with, and to help you understand their true intentions:

Non Apologetic-  They don’t see any reason to, because things are always someone else’s fault. In many instances, although they try to orchestrate relationships to serve their own ends, they try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming “victim” status.

Manipulative- Their agenda is to get people to do what they want them to do. It’s all about them. They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationship—far from it.

Judgmental- Keep your eyes and ears open for criticism—about you, what you’ve done, and what you didn’t do. It’s never about them, and they will lie if it serves them.

Inconsistent- It’s hard to know who you’re with at any given time because they are often not the same person. They may change their perspective, attitude, and behavior depending on what they feel they need to accomplish or what they want to have happen. (And they know how to be kind when they want something from you.

Toxic people often make you want to fix them and their problems. They want you to feel sorry for them, and responsible for what happens to them. Yet their problems are never really solved, for once you’ve helped them with one crisis, there’s inevitably another one. What they really want is your ongoing sympathy and support, and they will create one drama after another in order to get it. “Fixing” and “saving” them never works, especially since you probably care more about what happens to them than they do.

Your time and energy are essential for your own life. Don’t be overly willing to give them away.

Relationships are complex and it may not be easy to deal with toxic people until you have learned from previous interactions. I understand that many relationships, especially matrimonial ones, are more difficult because it’s not so easy to close the door and say goodbye. But the bottom line is that if you feel bad about yourself as a result of a relationship with another person, it’s time to sit down and assess the issue. They may be unlikely to change, but you can. Weigh the pros (if there are any) and the cons, make a decision to limit your time with this person or end the relationship—and don’t look back.

Archie Lee, Author of That’s the Way She Is- What Jack Needs to Know about Jill: Available @ http://www.authorhouse.com & Amazon Kindle @ http://amzn.to/1LieouB

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