Is it possible to get over someone you love?

A.M. Gilliam
I’m a friend, sister, aunt but most importantly I’m human. I believe the key to life is knowledge.

Feb 13,2017

Is it possible to get over someone you love ?

One of my friends asked me for advice on this. If you were in a serious, committed long-term relationship, that ended, is it possible to truly get over the person you love? In my opinion, the answer is simple: No. You will never fully get over someone you were in love with. I will tell you why I believe this to be true.

I was in a serious relationship with someone. I was really in love, the type of love that was almost sickening to others who saw it. I thought I would marry this person, I thought I had found the one. My soulmate. Unfortunately, life took a turn and we broke up. I was completely devastated at the time. I really thought I was going to die of a broken heart, but I survived.

About a year later, I started to feel like myself again, like I was finally ready to move on. That is when I saw my ex for the first time since the breakup, and the feeling came back faster than they left. This happened a lot, I would go months without sees this person, then I would see them and it felt like yesterday that we were together. We tried to work on our relationship multiple times but it still wouldn’t work. That is when I realized something. Love is unconditional and eternal. Therefore, even if you guys are not together anymore, they will still hold a piece of your heart. At the same time, loving someone does not mean that you are supposed to be with that person. Let them go. Now someone might think ‘No I don’t love them, I hate them.’ There has always been a thin line between love and hate. It may seem as if you hate them, because you are hurt and angry but it the end, what is driving your hatred for that person, is love. You cannot hate someone that you have never loved, just like you can’t know true happiness until you first know what it is too be sad. Having any form of feelings for someone, whether it be good or bad, means that you cared for them on some level.

With that being said, even though you will always have feeling for that person, there are many ways to help yourself get through the breakup itself. Sometimes it is not your feeling for that person that makes the transition to being single difficult, it’s the feeling of being alone without someone to share your life with. Here are some ways to help dilute the feeling of loneliness caused by becoming single.

1.      Spend time with your friends and family more. When we get into a relationship, we tend to spend the majority of our time with our significant other, leaving only a little time to spend with friends and family. Once we are single again, we tend to linger by ourselves because we are hurting. That is not a good idea. You need to be around people who care about you, no matter what.  In my opinion, this is the most effective way to avoid feeling lonely.

2.      Find a hobby. Being more active or engaged in a hobby or some other activities, are great ways to minimize the feeling of loneliness. Sign-up for a cooking or painting class, find something that you can enjoy so that you are too busy to think about that person or to be lonely.

3.      A healthy life is a better life. Now that you have more time on your hands. Start to take better care of yourself. Go for a walk or a run around your neighborhood. Join a yoga or meditation class, it can help you mental with the break up and physically. You can start to feel whole from the inside then out.

4.      Pray or talk to someone. I am not a religion person but I am definitely spiritually. Praying isn’t so God can fix it, it’s so you can let go. Sometimes you just need to say things without any judgement. Prayer is a great remedy for that. If you have someone you can talk to about it, that is great but for those who don’t, pray.

These steps helped me in my experience and I believe that will help you too. 

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