Why don’t I love my Child

Kelly Gonzalez
First time Mom and loving every moment. Sharing my experiences to help moms along their journey

Nov 14,2017

Earlier this week I was reading a blog and the headline is what caught my attention. Why don’t I love my child? I though who doesn’t love their child? I took a few minutes to scroll and read through, and as I was reading I realized this first time mom was actually talking about me! I’ve come so far that I forget what it felt like right in the beginning of becoming a mom. I was too scared to write about my feelings and share what I felt. Before becoming a mom, everybody I knew or posts I read about spoke about this CRAZY feeling of overjoy and love when your baby is placed into your arms after birth. This feeling of love that you’ve never felt before and like your heart wanted to explode. It was one of the things I was most looking forward to! As the due date was getting closer and closer I was getting more excited and anxious to feel this LOVE, the due date came and went and still no baby. Finally my midwife decided to induce me as the baby wasn’t moving as much and the term the ultrasound technician used was looking the baby was looking “sluggish” which wasn’t comforting to me so I was onboard with the induction. After close to 20 hours of labour this little girl appeared into our lives, the nurse put her directly on top of me, skin to skin, and as I looked at this little child of mine, I was happy but I was also exhausted and thought she doesn’t look like me at all. Where was this overwhelming feeling of love? My heart was not exploding from love is wanted to explode from what my body just went though. I thought I’m just tiered, if I sleep maybe then I will feel this crazy love sensation. Later that evening in the hospital I took a nap and when I awoke, still no feeling of love exploding out of my chest……

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