Over Independence…Is that a thing?

Sheila Hill
I am a Life Coach and Spiritual Guide. Connecting Mind, Soul, Body and Spirit
Personal Development

Oct 04,2017

Is there actually such a thing as ‘Over Independence’?

I mean we are taught through our formative years to ‘do it ourselves’, to ‘learn’… in fact most of our life’s journey is about becoming the ultimate in achievement – INDEPENDENT!

Those of us who have raised,  or are raising children do so in hopes that one day they will be INDEPENDENT. Able to sustain themselves on every level on their own.

Is it possible that there could be a downside to this push for independence?

Well there is. One of the cornerstones of the human condition is that we require connection. It’s not a ‘nice to have’ it’s necessary for our emotional, psychological and spiritual health. We crave;  a sense of community, companionship, love and understanding from others. 

We are very INTER-DEPENDENT beings.

This concept came to my attention while reflecting on how I was feeling living my life. Not how I thought it was…but how it actually feels. The answer that came bubbling to the surface (and not so gentle in its approach) was that I am lonely.

I have actually taken the spirit of INDEPENDENCE too far!

I am a single mom and independence is a requirement when you find yourself on your own and out numbered. At first it was a challenge for me, almost a game; put up Christmas lights on my own (check), did all the lawn care for a season (check), first trip to the hospital with a child alone (check), took the kids on a vacation alone (check), replaced the kitchen faucet (check), paid the bills, juggled the balls, made the meals, nurtured, coached and loved (check, check, check).

There is/was a period of empowerment that came from digging deep into my independence.

I think a lot of single mom’s probably have the same feeling:

‘Been there, done that, proved my point…..now where are the people?’

And not to dis-include other demographics who have the serious potential of taking INDEPENDENCE too far. Entrepreneurs; for example are another obvious group (of which I also belong….sigh).

So what to do about it?

Take off your suit of armour; your INDEPENDENCE SUPER SUIT and ASK FOR HELP!


Don’t judge how they show up; if it’s done ‘right’ or how you would have done it. Just be grateful that they chose you, they showed up when you opened yourself up and invited them in.

Ask a friend to lend an ear when you are having a bad day, ask for help to move that piece of furniture, ask for support, guidance and recommendations from friends, loved ones, your angels/guides. ASK. Be brave, be vulnerable and LET PEOPLE IN.

We all know how good it feels to be kind, helpful or offer assistance to others. Who are you to take that away from those who love you? 

If you have taken INDEPENDENCE too far and find yourself lonely, secluded and your ‘I can do it myself ‘ attitude a little tarnished and worn out. Start looking for opportunities to invite people in….often the most magical connections come from the most unexpected places.

Sheila Hill is a Life Coach and Spiritual Guide, she works with the Mind, Soul, Body and Spirit to help you get out of your story of self limiting beliefs and behaviour patterns so you can start living life to your fullest potential. She is a Coach, Hypnotherapist and Energy Worker living and practicing in Oakville, ON.

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