FIND YOUR TRIBE.

Erin Roseman
Author, Health & Wellness Coach.
Human Connections

Apr 18,2017

We’ve all heard the aphorism that you are the five people you surround yourself with. Well, sometimes those people can be hard to let go of, even if their presence is poisonous to you. We often think we “owe” people for things or must remain friends because we grew up with one another. But that’s silly, of course: sometimes, as we grow, change, and transition, those early friendships and relationships just dissipate. You may eventually find that you no longer gain value from some of your existing relationships. Admitting that or saying it out loud can be incredibly difficult, but change is good, and the more you surround yourself with people who believe in you and see your vision, the more good you can do. 

It’s really all about finding a balance. Some people are purely negative and their influence needs to be removed. Some people can remain, but at a distance. Some friends and family may not really share your values and goals, but still want to support you and listen to you. Some people come into your life for a certain period of time: there to teach you something and then drift away. 

Another key thing I learned is to stop having expectations of others. Some of the people I expected to be my biggest supporters were surprisingly dismissive, while some of the people I scarcely thought about were incredibly positive and enthusiastic about my plans. And again: that’s ok! Sometimes you have to change your tribe. Also, it’s important to remember that, if your friends and family don’t support your ideas, most of the time it is out of love. They fear for you to step out of your comfort zone just as much as you fear to remain inside it. They may just want to protect you from being hurt or seeing you fail. Odd as it may seem, these people may not even realize you feel unsupported, since from their perspective, they have your back so don’t let it get to you keep striving to reach your goals. 

You don’t need an army of people to be there for you, just a special few who really want to take the journey with you, the ones who honor what you are doing. 

 I found mentors and coaches who were huge inspirations for me and who became my close friends. I’ve met people who I barely knew who became my cheerleaders — which is an amazing feeling. You never know who will be with you in the long term, but no matter who stands by you and who falls away, never give up on your dreams! The ones you love may not understand, but the people who are meant to be in your life will remain. When the ones who can’t handle the new you leave, it will be their loss, not yours. 

I’m not saying go and tell people you can’t be friends with them anymore or don’t trust them with your journey. You can let people go slowly and gently, by gradually sharing less and less with them. Sometimes people can remain great friends with you even if they won’t ultimately be your cheerleaders. It’s ok to know when things aren’t working! I’ve definitely been in relationships in the past with people who I can’t imagine confiding in now. They wouldn’t get it, wouldn’t understand me, and would most likely think all my spiritual stuff is crazy. 

If you want to be successful in your life, find those five people you most want to be like, and immerse yourself in their presence. And I don’t just mean this in a “surround yourself with positive people” way — I mean really, actively seek out mentors and guides who are doing the thing you want to do in the way you dream of doing it. 

Follow people who inspire you, engage with them, and allow yourself to be uplifted, the more you will grow. Not everyone you love has to share your dreams, but make sure to surround yourself with those that do and you will become more abundant, happy, and healthy. Do not let people’s negative comments get you down — just keep being YOU!! 

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